A Guide to Portuguese Pronouns and Etiquette. Do you know how to say ‘you’ in European Portuguese?

If you have been learning Portuguese this is something that may confuse you. Many Portuguese students are frequently told that the pronoun “você”(you) is rude and should not be used.

In Portugal, while the use of “você” can be tricky it is technically a formal way to address someone, however, some Portuguese speakers may consider it impersonal or even rude. If you do happen to use “você,” don’t fear for your life, you won’t be shunned by local villagers or chased into the hills by a posse.

Let’s take a look at the word “você.”

The pronoun “você” means ‘you’ in Portuguese.

This pronoun evolved from the more formal phrase “Vossa Mercê” (“Your Mercy” or “Your Grace”), which was originally used as a respectful way to address someone, particularly royalty or nobility (around the 14th–15th centuries). Over time, “Vossa Mercê” was shortened to “vossemecê,” then “vosmecê,” and eventually became “você,” which as many of you know,  is now commonly used in Brazil.

So, can we use it in Portugal?

While “você” is technically a respectful form, many Portuguese speakers avoid it because it can sound too direct or even distant. (Well, that makes sense… not.) Itcan be seen as overly casual or even disrespectful compared to more formal pronouns like “o senhor” (sir)  or “a senhora” (madam).

In modern Portuguese in Portugal, the use of pronouns like “você,” “tu” and “o senhor / a senhora” depends heavily on the context and the relationship between speakers. Somebody who feels close to you might feel that you are keeping them at a distance for example if you use “Você” instead of “tu”, and if you use “você” instead of o senhor / a senhora, they might feel that you think they don’t deserve to be called senhor or senhora

But don’t worry—if a “você” slips out, it’s not necessarily offensive. As a foreigner learning to speak Portuguese you wouldn’t be considered rude if you use ”você’, especially if you say, ‘se faz favor’ and ‘obrigado. People will just love the fact that you are learning the language!

Here’s a breakdown of the current norms:

Using “o senhor” or “a senhora” for formality

When formality is required—such as addressing someone older, in a professional setting, or in situations where politeness is paramount—”o senhor” and “a senhora” are preferred. These forms clearly signal respect and are widely accepted. For instance:

“O senhor gostaria de mais café?” (Would you like more coffee sir?)

“A senhora precisa de ajuda?” (Do you need help Madam?)

When to use “tu”

In informal settings, among friends, family, or peers, “tu” is the go-to pronoun. It conveys familiarity and warmth. However, even here, the pronoun is often omitted altogether relying on the verb conjugation alone:

“Tu queres café?” or simply “Queres café?” (Do you want a coffee?)

Omitting “você” and relying on verb conjugations

This approach is quite common in Portugal, especially in formal or neutral contexts. By using the verb in the third person, you can avoid the potential pitfalls of “você,” which some may perceive as overly casual or disrespectful. For example:

Instead of saying, “Você quer café?” you might say, “Quer café?” This omission is elegant and avoids ambiguity about tone or respect.

Use the person’s name

Another approach is to use the person’s name:

“O João quer um café?” – Do you want a coffee, João?

When to use “Dona”

“Dona” is a respectful title used before a woman’s first name, typically for older or married women. It’s a polite way to address someone, showing courtesy and formality. For example, you might say “Dona Maria” when referring to an older woman (named Maria) in a formal setting.

In short, while “você” is technically formal in Portuguese, its use in Portugal can feel impersonal or rude depending on context. Opt for “o senhor” or “a senhora” in formal settings, “tu” for familiarity, or omit pronouns altogether to navigate cultural nuances respectfully. If you’re unsure, listening to how locals speak and mirroring their approach is a great strategy. Or you can ask:

Posso tratar por ‘tu’?

My ex-mother-in-law used to address me as “Vossemecê.” I’m not sure if she was being respectful or not, though!

Are you unsure how to pronounce the vowels in Portuguese? Take a look at this article. https://portugueseinsixweeks.com/how-to-pronounce-the-vowels-in-portuguese/